Last week was Memorial Day–when we honor those who lost their lives in battle, but I can’t shake the image of a veteran on the side of the busy road with the box in front of him, looking just as lost and swallowed up by life.

I was late and had somewhere to go. Plus, I had nowhere to pull over. And what good would I do if I had? Give him money or buy him food? Ask him how he’s doing, no, how he’s really doing? Instead, I prayed for him and drove on.

His hero’s journey ended with a parade, all right–one that passed him by. It just doesn’t seem right that I left him stranded like that.

Maybe it’s what happens at the end. At some point, we have to move on.

And then, the other day, I woke up from a nap and thought, “What a nightmare! Glad that’s over.” But when I recalled the details, I realized I had just dreamed about all that I’ve been through in the past two years.

I couldn’t even dream about how I put my life on hold to fight cancer without it seeming like a nightmare. But the question isn’t how did I live through it? I did, but how do I acknowledge what I lived through and get on with my life? I don’t want to miss any more of it!

My fight is over; it’s been over, but I haven’t been able to pick up the old me and carry on. I’m still sitting on the side of the road, watching everyone pass me by.

That’s because the old me is dead. I have to start from such a small place and rebuild my life one moment at a time.

But my kids have grown up without me. They’re graduating, and I’m the one who’s supposed to be the adult though I haven’t made it through nursery school.

My head is spinning with details as I tie up old friends and the old me and make way for the new.

Though I could hardly claim that fighting an external war is the equivalent of fighting an internal one, I know why I couldn’t stop to find out if that veteran on the side of the road needed help. I saw myself in him.

Maybe if we had sat down and talked through the pain, this is what we could say we’ve learned from our battles:

• There will be great sorrow and pain when the war is over.
• Don’t fear all the negativity that overcomes you after the fight.
• Things are only as bleak and scary as you make them.
•  Face the negativity you’re holding onto, and release it–it will not go away of its own accord.
• You need help assimilating your losses and all that’s gone on around you that’s passed you by.
• It’s okay if you don’t feel great. How often do people ask, “how are you? No, really, how are you?” And they’re just passing by–there’s no time for them to listen, so you say, “I’m great.”
• Have great compassion for yourself when you’re down and out and for others when it’s their turn.
• Cherish every day. You always have that chance to start anew, especially when you feel lost and small.