Air Dare Episode V (trash talker vs. the doctor’s cure): part of an ongoing series of the leadership styles of Michael Jordan and Julius Erving.

Want to get your family to listen to you, but you somehow end up yelling at them instead?

You know the right way to speak to your kids, you instinctively did it when they were babies, but now that they’re teens, seriously? It’s so easy to have verbal diarrhea and yell now, especially when they’re not listening.

We grew up with Michael Jordan, after all. Maybe we’re not going around bullying, intimidating, and badgering our family members to unload the dishwasher, but don’t we love to remind them how often they failed to step up to the plate?

And if not justified, it’s fun to let off some steam now and then. There’s nothing like an adult conversation when we can be snarky, uncensored, and funny again. Let it all hang out.

As easy and fun as it might be to say what you want, you know what lasts for the long haul? Mr. Erving’s approach to communication. He’s always had this way about him that gets people to listen: he’s suave, compassionate, and honest. An absolute, “I’ll have what he’s having.”

Not to mention, he’s got a sexy voice to go along with the package. A friend reminded me, I’ve spoken about his soothing, melodic voice since college.

(When a prank caller claimed to be Julius Erving, she quoted me saying, “I knew right away it wasn’t him. He didn’t have a sexy voice.”)

I always wanted to know how Mr. Erving commanded so much respect and made it look so easy. Wouldn’t any mama wish to know the secret to get her kids to listen?

Can’t the doctor give us the cure? Stop this torment already!

Slow down. We need to understand Michael Jordan, an extreme form of a leader, to see what he’s got before we can decide if we want to be the opposite: more like Dr. J, the big man of few words.

Michael Jordan explained his approach to motivate his teammates in Episode 2. “I let my anger motivate the players by saying I want this, do you guys want it?”

Imagine the laughs I’d get if I used that mentality to push my kids to make their beds.

But Michael Jordan wanted something more significant from his teammates–a championship.

Steve Kerr explained in Episode 7, “His theory was if you can’t handle pressure from me, you’re not going to be able to handle the pressure of the NBA playoffs. And so he talked trash in practice, he went at guys, he challenged guys.”

MJ said, “I’m going to ridicule you until you get on the same level as me, and if you don’t get on the same level as me, then it’s gonna be hell for you.”

Teammate Will Perdue explained, “The fear factor of MJ was so thick.. he was a jerk, he crossed the line numerous times. We were afraid of him.”

MJ used fear to motivate his teammates to excel. Take this. MJ’s lying on the court. He said, “But you better watch out for the lead dog, he’ll bite the s**t out you.”

And MJ did. Take Scott Burrell, he was such a nice guy and couldn’t get steamed no matter what tactic MJ used, He felt the fear, though, and even the shame.

When Scott made one jump shot out of seven in a game, MJ said, “I feel bad for you dog, your cats sick. Go home and feed it Purina Cat Chow.”

MJ used fear, shame, big, little, and curse words, insults, whatever he could. He spoke his mind and let it all hang out.

We Mom’s must have more restraint. We’re not leading basketball warriors; we’re raising life winners. Our approach is different, but it’s worth reflecting: how might we unknowingly go too far with our kids?

Dr. J understood the power of his words and used them wisely. He never cursed, and he made his words matter. Like a great master, he made it look so easy, and so sweet.

When I asked him what his secret was, how’d he get the guys to listen to him? (I have a personal stake in this, you know). He said, “EF Hutton, type thing. ‘When EF Hutton talks, people listen.”

https://youtu.be/2_ygqPepLjM

“I didn’t talk all the time,” Mr. Erving said. “That helped people listen when it came time. It wasn’t overcooked.”

And since burning the bread is a nighttime ritual in our household that goes way back to when we were young and continues today, I know what he means.

When you overuse your words and expect trash talk to deliver results, you’re doing what comes naturally, and you’re not thinking about the big picture and the right and compassionate thing to do.

Dr. J used his words to ensure his teammates did the classy thing. In “The Doctor,” the documentary on Mr. Erving, after the 76ers lost a big playoff game, Julius Erving told the guys to congratulate the other team.

One of his teammates recalled how ridiculous he thought that idea was, “And I looked at Daryll like, I’m from Brooklyn. Did he just say…?”

Yet, when Doc said, “Yeah, we’re gonna go over there and congratulate these guys,” the guys, even though they preferred otherwise, did as they were told.

So next time you want to get your family to listen to you, but you somehow end up yelling at them instead, take heart.

Remember the doctor’s cure, the sweet sound of success: speak like EF Hutton. It also doesn’t hurt to have a sexy voice to go along with it. Any voice coaches out there?

🏀🏀🏀

If you missed Episodes I – IV, that’s okay, you can go back and catch up on the Air Dare series:

🏀 Episode I overview: MJ or Dr. J? Why You’d Call On The Doctor to be Your Boss

🏀 Episode II: 76ers Legends Storm City Hall with Love and Celebration

🏀 Episode III: Father’s Day Figure Who Inspires You To Great Heights

🏀 Episode IV” Win At All Costs, MJ? What Friendship’s Worth To Dr. J