As much as we women would love to think we can do it alone, we know better. We can’t have a mother without a father. We all need our Dads. And our kids need their Dads, too.

Whether you’re blessed to have your Dad, never got to know yours, or your relationship ended on a sad note, we have a little of each in this Father’s Day special. There’s not one type of Dad fits all. But there’s only one Mr. Erving. We all need a little Dr. J in our lives right now. So bring him on!

Air Dare Episode III 🏀

Dr. J will be the father figure who’ll inspire you to great heights.

The Air Dare idea to have ten episodes exploring who you’d rather have as your boss, MJ or Dr. J came about after I binge-watched all ten episodes of Michael Jordan’s The Last Dance documentary, so you don’t have to.

Here’s the point behind today’s muse: Michael riled up and pushed his teammates. Mr. Erving didn’t have to.

It was the captain’s job, according to Coach Phil Jackson, in Episode VII. He’d get feisty at practice. It’s your role being a captain.”

Michael Jordan didn’t refer to his role as captain, but he said in Episode IV that he needed to push his teammates. “My energy started to gear towards my teammates and pushing them to excel.”

Really? Mr. Erving was team captain of the 76ers, and I never heard Dad tell stories of how Mr. Erving pushed the guys.

So at the risk of sounding stupid, what do I have to lose? I asked Mr. Erving. What was your role as a captain?

For better or worse, I was selected team captain on every team I played on from the Salvation Army days through those years as a pro basketball player. It’s not something I took lightly.

There were times I was a co-captain and the other guys were better. I was wearing the role before I understood what it meant.

Henry Bibby once said, “The one thing about you, you always show up to work, whether it be at practice or what have you.” It helped me to define the role to always show up whether hurt, disinterested, just show up and play the role.

That became a working definition of it because so much of it is ceremonious. It’s not your job to run the team (that’s the coach’s job). It’s your job to be the glue and lead by example.

Julius Erving, phone interview 5/28/2020. And he mentioned Henry Bibby. I spent all of 7th and most of 8th Grade trying to convince my BFF that his name was Henry Baby, even though his jersey had “Bibby” on it. Finally, we asked Dad. He laughed and shook his head

But Michael Jordan considered it his job to run the team. Here we have Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant from Episode VII.

Scottie Pippen: “Michael was on us. No mistakes allowed.”

Horace Grant: “I see a screaming devil. You make a mistake; he’s gonna scream at you. He’s gonna belittle you. He demands almost perfection.”

Fathers have a creative license to be the man they want to be. Not every father figure has to be a taskmaster. It breeds frustration. Low self-esteem, anyone?

Horace Grant: “When you see your leader working extremely hard in practice, you feel like if I don’t give it my all, I shouldn’t be here.”

Michael working extremely hard in practice, could have been motivation enough for his players. But Scottie said, in Episode VII, “I needed that.”

It made me wonder how did Mr. Erving handle players like Scottie who needed that kick in the pants?

“For me, it was an assumption that people were giving it there all. I’m getting all I can out of this guy and this is as good as he is…Is the 110% real? If someone’s playing 100% how can he play 10% more than that?…how can he play beyond where he can play?”

When you’re a star you don’t expect people to do what you do because you’re the one with the gifts…The great player doesn’t see the other guy playing at his level.”

That’s why, “Great players don’t automatically become great coaches, your Dad was the exception.”

Mr. Erving phone interview, March 28, 2020

That sounds so different than Michael Jordan in Episode VII.

MJ: “You ask all my teammates, the one thing about Michael Jordan was he never asked me to do something that he didn’t do.”

Julius Erving never asked his teammates to do something they couldn’t do. It wasn’t his job to make other people do their best or feel bad that they couldn’t do better, he assumed they were giving their all.

Brilliant, actually.

He didn’t worry about what everybody else was doing. He saved that problem for the coach. And more on that later.

It’s similar to a parenting tip that Dr. Lisa Damour recommended when talking to our teens. I quoted her in Growing Into Your Height. Talk to your teenager the way you want her to behave.

So imagine the same principle inspiring a basketball player to great heights. Treat them as if they’re giving you they’re all and that’s what you’ll get from them.

There’s also the Michael Jordan way, expect that they’re not doing enough and demand more from them.

Both men got great results out of their teammates. Both men were respected. The one difference: were the teammates inspired to greatness by fear or by love?

He’ll be the father figure who’ll inspire others to great heights.

Only Dr. J did so through love. And what a perfect segue to honor our Dads this Father’s Day!

Father’s Day ❤️

Just like with Mr. Erving, my relationships start with love. And where you do you think I got that from?

Once I remember feeling incredibly down on myself. And Dad, forever a coach, there to give direction, to point the way, he knew just what I needed. A pick-me-up story.

He had a library of stories to reference. He could quote one of his players. Talk about a time when he was playing and felt bad about himself. Or share a story about building the Miami Heat from scratch. And here’s what he chose.

“You were in 6th Grade, and I came to the dinner table (we always discussed everything at the dinner table), and I said, ‘What would you do if you had a player and you’ve tried everything? You’ve tried to motivate him, to push him. You see the talent’s there, but there’s nothing you can do.”

Had I known that Dad would take my words to heart, surely this was hypothetical, I might have changed my response.

But I was just a kid still grappling with the fear that my Dad didn’t have a real job, you know, with a secretary who could type up my school papers. And I said, “Fire him.”

And that’s what Dad did. Traded is the word for it, technically. A few years after that they ended up winning the championship. Wink!

Dad spoke to me on my level. He used my words right back at me so I could get out of my own way.

And to think he learned all his moves from his own Dad.

My Grandpa was the fireman running into the burning building when everyone was escaping it. But Dad remembers Grandpa for his passion and love for his children to have a better life.

Dad said, “He was more of a disciplinarian than I was. But I didn’t hear ‘I love you’ from my Dad, I just knew it was there. It was that whole generation after World War II.”

“I remember him standing at the backdoor of the house and I gave him a kiss and told him I loved him and he got stiff as a board.”

“I’d always go in and give you a kiss and tell you I love you.” And Dad did just that. He kissed me and told me he loved me after he gave me that awesome pick-me-up story.

But Grandpa didn’t have to use words to show Dad his love. He was always there, especially when Dad had his kidney problems. Grandpa studied kidneys and knew as much as the doctors, and was right next to Dad the whole way.

As intelligent as Grandpa was, he started working at a young age because of the Great Depression and put all of his children through school without a college education.

In his mid-50s, he went back to school. Dad said, “He loved to tell me how he had to correct the professor.”

Grandpa didn’t play basketball growing up in the Bronx. The only sports he knew were handball, softball, and the six-story walk-up. That does so count as a sport!

“The only thing he ever told me about basketball is, ‘You better improve your foul shooting. And If I didn’t do well in my studies, I’d have to leave the team.”

First and foremost, Grandpa needed to get his four children through college. So when Dad got a scholarship to college, Grandpa began to appreciate basketball.

Loyalty meant more than anything to Grandpa as driven as he was. He wrote a few books as study aids for the firemen for good measure. But when he went up against his friend for Chief of the NYC Fire Department, friendship came first.

Grandpa’s friend planned to quit if he didn’t get the position. So Grandpa said, “I’ll be the assistant, so you don’t retire.”

So that’s how Grandpa came to be Assistant Fire Chief. Dad’s as loyal as they come, but I don’t think Dad would have taken a back seat to be Assistant Coach for a friend.

Because I had such father figures in my life, I was able to spot the greatness in Alex. He had his father, the Bolivian Diplomat, who even worked a year for free without getting paid.

If ever there was something Papito taught Alex, it was dedication.

His diplomacy was a labor of love. I wanted to explore with dear Papito, how he came by his passion and zeal for his beliefs. It’s not a story that we ever discussed.

At a young age, Papito lost his father to an assassination. His father was a lawyer, a senator for the Republic, and he was in the war between Bolivia and Paraguay. But his political party was overthrown in a coup d’etat, and he fled to Argentina.

After two years of exile, he returned to Bolivia and got murdered in hiding. It’s a tragic story of how a man died for what he believed in.

Papito had a powerful mother who was able to take on both roles. “We grew up all of us with our mother, very smart and intelligent, and she knew how to raise five kids: two girls and three boys and we came to the point where we are now.”

She was also very strict. But most importantly, she was wise and kept her inheritance from her mother to one day distribute to her children.

His mother knew how to handle her money and how to raise her kids. “Despite being without my father, she did quite well.”

Papito knew his father stood for what he believed in and Papito always had that same passion and drive in his career.

As incredible as this story is, I couldn’t believe it when Papito told me his father wrote lyrics to songs, and a music teacher composed the music. His Mom also loved the piano. so the music teacher would simplify the works of the great composers so she could play.

Now I know where my daughters get it! (My oldest writes the lyrics, and my youngest composes the piano accompaniment). Over quarantine, they’ve written 19 songs and are getting ready to make a YouTube channel.

It’s so beautiful to see how Alex’s grandfather lives on in dear Papito and in his grandchildren!

So we come back to Mr. Erving, who also lost his father at a young age. Only his parents got divorced first so he didn’t have memories of his father the way Papito did.

“My mother played the role of Mother and Father after they divorced. All I got from my natural father was his name. Julius. I became Julius, Jr. There was no Julius Sr. in the picture.”

Mom provided the strength of character and discipline.”

Mr. Erving Phone Interview, June 18, 2020

And btw, Julius is a great name. It’s what my Dad always calls Mr. Erving. (I hadn’t put it together until a friend pointed it out).

I didn’t want to put words in Mr. Erving’s mouth, so I told him my theory. “Women, we think we can do it all alone, but sometimes a man needs a man.” He understood what I was driving at.

“She’s not a man. It’s hard for a woman to be a man, but she can make the path easier or more difficult. She exposed me to other relatives. We’d take a trip in the summer to South Caroline to be around her brothers and sisters and my grandparents.”

Mr. Erving Phone Interview, June 18, 2020

Luckily she came from a big family. Mr. Erving had ten uncles and three aunts) spread from South Carolina, Illinois, Washington DC, Philly to NY.

Every August, for an entire month, they’d run around barefoot in South Carolina and do what the cousins did. They’d play catch, hike fish.

“My uncles provided me with some examples (of father figures) and more close to home my teachers and coaches. Ray Wilson became a lifetime mentor and gave a lot of guidance.”

Mr. Erving Phone Interview, June 18, 2020

We all need father figures and Mr. Erving’s mother was a smart woman who had a close-knit family to provide the village she needed to raise her children.

So when it came his time, he dared to be a father figure for us all.

Mr. Erving, my Dad, and dear Papito all became great leaders because of that father figure within them, and they never let it go until it was time to pass it on to their children.

As any father figure will do, they teach us we can’t do this alone. We need our fathers!

It’s hard work to raise a family and we need two pillars to do it– a mother and a father. Let’s honor the fathers in our lives and how they shaped us today. May every day be Father’s Day!

He’ll be the father figure who’ll inspire you to great heights. He didn’t have to tell you he loved you. He might not have been around. Or maybe you never got to know him. Whatever your relationship, if you revisit how your father shaped you, you might see things differently.

(Hint: this is my way of showing my Dad, Papito and Mr. Erving how much I love them). Saying the words “I love you” doesn’t hurt either. Wink!

🏀🏀🏀

If you missed Episodes I and II, that’s okay, you can go back and catch up on the Air Dare series:

🏀 Episode I overview: MJ or Dr. J? Why You’d Call On The Doctor to be Your Boss

🏀 Episode II: 76ers Legends Storm City Hall with Love and Celebration