See photo below for translation.

Last night I decluttered while I “watched” the Super Bowl. I wanted the Eagles to win so bad I had to multitask. (They have the best slogan, “It’s A Philly Thing,” and the best fight song, “Fly Eagles Fly,” and the brotherly love’s been infectious.)

I felt like Mom did when the 76ers played. She used to vacuum and rake the Family Room carpet because she was so nervous watching the game.

Wait! Is it raking an indoor carpet? That’s one thing in life I bet you have never heard of.

Not to detract from the conversation, but it might even call for a definition. It’s when the carpet needed a hair lift. It would lay flat, and the mere act of raking it would make it stand on edge again as good as new.

In Mom’s defense, they made carpets differently in the 70s.

My friend’s Living Room carpet showed every footprint. Her Mom would measure the impressions that went to the coffee table and know who to blame for dipping into the candy bowl.

Yes, our carpets were that revealing, unlike today’s carpets, which hide a lot.

But I’m distracted. Back to my decluttering, I found a letter that Alexandra had written Santa Claus. I was curious because it said Dear Santa, and then it was a bunch of gibberish.

It wasn’t like my daughter to be so incoherent, she’d been writing letters to Santa since age three, so I pointed it out to her.

She said, “Oh, I was speaking in code.”

Honestly, I didn’t know what to think about that one. What age was that anyway?

But then I thought about it. We, adults, speak in code all the time. Code isn’t just for kids (or carpet rakers.)

So if there’s an urban dictionary, we should get on with it and write a code translator.

So here it is. I’ll get us started.

Breaking The Code With The Code Translator:

• “I’ve been busy” or ‘I’ve had a lot going on” = My life’s falling to pieces, and I can’t even fake how good it’s been.

• “That was so much fun” = BORING.

• “How interesting” = Dumbest idea ever.

• “I miss you.” = But not enough to reach out to you.

• “I love you” = It’s not like I need to rank you on a scale from one to 10. If that were the case, you’d be in an honored place under the dog.

• “It was so great to bump into you” = Couldn’t we have scheduled this meeting when I could have dressed appropriately, with some makeup on, perhaps?

• “Let’s get together” = It’s not like I have my calendar on my phone. Anyway, see, “it was great to bump into you,” Or, as we said in High School, “Let’s not but say we did.”

Sometimes we need a diversion. Note to self, raking carpets and decluttering do not count. The Eagles still lost, no matter how hard I hoped they’d win. It seems unfair. The city of brotherly love needed a Philly thing. We could have appreciated this win.

But as my High School teacher used to say, “If life were fair, I’d be a size six.” And what did she mean to say by that? It must be code for something.

Maybe this is what my daughter meant to say to Santa.