I have a hunch that these days we’re all lost boys to some extent or another. We’ve long since fallen out of sync with the pre-pandemic rat race, but without Peter Pan to lead us out of this, how are we supposed to do IRL (in real life)?

I’m the last to know the trendy thing to say or do; thankfully, I have dear friends to keep me in the loop. Thank you, dear Sara, for always keeping me real.

The other day I came out of Physical Therapy and got lost in the parking lot, thinking someone stole my car.

Dare I say it? I lost my soul–that creative spark of life that I am and always will be. It must have slipped past me somewhere between infusions, injections, surgery, physical therapy, and the regimen yet to come.

Everything’s become so rote. What fun is there in all this hardship? I’ve lost my hair, my boobs, and it’ll be a year of my life. And what’s to show for this near-death experience? Is being a cancer survivor what life’s all about?

And just while I was figuring out what to say to the police–I left the keys in the white car giving somebody the perfect getaway car–I realized the embarrassing truth: nobody stole my car.

I took the red car that requires the fob I never take out of my purse instead. It was in a different spot a few cars down.

Like my soul, the car was there all along. Nobody stole it, and I didn’t lose it. But it had gone missing, and I needed to find it again–that’s what reclaiming my lost soul is all about.

So this muse came to me luckily before the police (imagine explaining myself out of that phantom stolen car moment) and just in time to help me figure out how to reclaim my lost soul. There’s an acronym for it, like IRL. Only not.

Mine, which won’t be trending on social media, though why not? It’s simply REAL.

Realize the truth. It’s so easy to pretend, especially with ourselves. “I do it all for my family. I don’t have time for myself. I work hard, so I deserve that vacation.” I could make up those stories and hundreds of other excuses and even believe them when I was off-kilter and losing myself in others, forgetting that I’m the only one who can complete myself.

And just as quickly, we can falter the other way. We can get swept away in how good it feels. “I enjoy taking care of my family. When I nourish Alex and his business, it’s like I’m doing it for me. I like that the girls, my family, and friends need me–it gives me purpose.”

It’s true. Nurturing others helped nurture my soul. It made me happy. So joyful, in fact, it also became a crutch. My own life was so uneventful and unnecessary. Did I need to express my soul creatively? My life’s too busy for such leisure.

We get scared and play many great mind games when we’re on the brink of discovering we’ve been living too far in one extreme or another. It takes courage to see we’ve been living too much for ourselves or too much for others. But it’s an art–in time, we can learn how to balance both.

That all starts with recognition, first.

Embrace the messiness. Your soul hasn’t been lost or stolen. Now that you’ve realized the imbalance at play, you can reconnect with what your soul’s been missing and nurture it. It will take practice. When you learn how to play the violin, it’s going to squeak and pierce your ears. When you want to scream, “Stop!” that’s when you’ll know to do it anyway. It won’t feel so great initially, but one day you’ll be grateful for acquiring the skill to live a more balanced life.

Accept that people do it way better than you. Resist the temptation to let them do it for you. I know. This concept goes hand in hand with embrace yourself. Have fun being a kid with yourself again. Find the thrill of doing things for the first time. Lin Manuel Miranda might be a creative genius, but he doesn’t have more of a right to be creative than my girls, Alex, me, or you.

Live It Up! IRL baby! I get my weekly fills (there’s no shortage of saline the way there is gas at the pumps). I get to watch my hair grow back like my own patch of wildlife. And every day, I’m given a new day to reclaim that part of my soul that I realized had fallen flat.

Art comes in when we learn to nurture and express our soul and the creative souls of those around us. Charge and recharge the creative life force that sparks from you and all around you every day.

By making it real, you’ll find the right car and make your way home again.