We can’t go through life unscathed. Inevitably, we’ll be both patient and caregiver, or maybe both at the same time. Yet, it comes as such a big surprise. As if we weren’t expecting a health scare to disrupt our otherwise perfect lives.

So maybe we should be asking ourselves, instead: which side are you on now? Are you the caregiver, or are you the one with the health scare?

It’s not a trick question. It’s not like we get to try it on for size and pick our favorite.

It’s a misconception to think we, and all our loved ones, will get to the other side of life with all our loved ones without a bruise. And while we’re discussing fantasies, why not throw out another one?

I used to think nurses, doctors, and caregivers were oh-so-strong, and patients were weak (we’re the ones who don’t know what’s going on and need help), like a great big game of tug of war.

Boy, I had that wrong, too. Had I known then what I know now: caregivers and patients are more alike than I ever realized.

Reading your responses to help write the lyrics to Skylar’s song, “Mean Well,” reaffirmed how important we are to one another; whether receiving or giving, we’re partaking in a glorious gift exchange.

There you were to remind me there’s no such thing as the weak and the strong side. We’re flip sides to the same coin. No matter what side the coin lands on, we’re meeting somewhere between life and death on a new plane of existence.

I went to my last chemo infusion and asked the nurse to find the words to glorify what they do in a song. What would it say? My nurse Sandy said, “It’s the most gratifying experience to be with someone at the most critical time of their life–it’s a privilege to be there for you.”

And then I asked you to share with me your stories. What does being a caregiver mean to you? And this is what you told me:

“The fiercest love, the best doctors, the extraordinary support of friends, and being so lucky. Never take no for an answer, ever. Give back when you are stronger–pay it forward. Don’t remember the nightmares.” – AGF

“I am strong because he made me ready for this day.” -KMR

“What brings me peace is seeing how strong she is and knowing that if she can handle it, so can I.” -LOS

“Faith–in God, your loved one, in strength, medicine, love and yourself.” -JO

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a Mystery. Today is a GIFT! That is why it is called THE PRESENT. It was my favorite saying through my cancer journey.” -AS

“Someone told me, ‘You do hard things all the time,’ and it had a huge impact.'” KMM

“Love, so much love. It heals in so many ways.” HC

“Love, hope, and laughter.” SP

“I was so lucky to have the love and support of family and friends. My theater community has always been there for me.” DS

“Caregiving is a hard job. While technically we are on the other side, health scares happen to the family, and we use our hearts to do our best when we don’t know what to do. As humans, we are always caring because we protect what and who we fall in love with. It is the unskilled caregivers who use the healing power of hugging, laughing, sharing, singing, and dancing because we “mean well.” How we get there is through a much higher power than our own because only God can give us the grace to ‘Smile when your heart is breaking'” (Nat King Cole style!) and affirm that life is still worth living.” -NP

And here’s a poem so incredibly dear to my heart written by another dear friend.

I was sitting there beside you in your moment of pain

I was holding your hand in mine when you needed a hand

I was there to be an ear when you needed to speak

But while I was there by your side, I just kept marveling at your strength and your will to survive

Because you were the stronger one, you were the braver one, and you were the one that kept me together, and all I could do, was to be there for you.

-DCP

Your great words put a lot of pressure on Skylar to write this song. But she can do it because she has your beautiful words to inspire her.

There are always more sides to the same story; that’s what researching for Skylar’s song reminded me of.

Whether a patient or a caregiver, we find the greatest gift we have is finding that moment in time when we meet somewhere between life and death. We find strength, love, and glory in one another. It’s where we finally feel like the spirit and our physical existence are one.