Air Dare Episode IV (egoist vs. nurturer): part of an ongoing series of the leadership styles of Michael Jordan vs. Julius Erving.

You’d want to succeed if you weren’t annoyed by all the people driven to compete who have such a big ego for it. Win at all costs makes the world go around. Even if that costs your relationships?

Michael Jordan carries the egoist attitude pretty darn good. He believed he was better than everybody else on that basketball court to the point he repeated himself in Episodes 2, 7, and 9 of “The Last Dance”:

“My innate personality is to win it at all costs. If I’m going to have to do it myself, then I’m gonna do it.”

He drives home the point in Episode 7: “If you don’t want to live that regimented mentality then you don’t need to be alongside of me because I”m going to ridicule you until you get on the same level with me. And if you don’t get on the same level then it’s going to be hell for you.”

Ouch! Michael Jordan won six championships. He obviously knows what it means to succeed and made it his personal responsibility to do so. Only an idiot would argue him or his tactics.

No one in their right mind! Ahem.

Except, I’ve seen way too many egoist mothers, you’ve seen them, too. Competition on steroids. The screaming soccer parents. The overbearing dance moms. And how about those stage moms? (Thankfully I never came across any in community theater.)

Different court. Same mentality. “My kid is better than your kid” or “I’m better than you and don’t you forget it.”

So what about us nurturers of the world? We don’t want success so badly that we’ll make everybody’s life a living hell. Not at the cost of friendship, love, and family.

So, finally, seeking a voice of reason, I asked Mr. Erving what success means to him.

I like to talk about the drive people have. They set goals for themselves…Where are you going? Why are you going there? (You need to know that).

Success-driven vs. ego-driven is a much better place to drive your car.

The sportsperson, business person, educator, doctor, lawyer, if they’re ego-driven, they’re a whole different animal than the person who’s success-driven.

You can be success-driven without ego, but it doesn’t go the other way around.

Be a success-driven person but park the ego at the door.

Julius Erving Phone Interview, May 28, 2020

Michael Jordan lures us into thinking if you have a hard-edged ego with a win-at-all-costs mentality you’ll get ahead and you’ll get the best out of people.

It seems so wimpy, wimpy, wimpy to let go of ego. Remember that Hefty commercial from 1984?

Maybe we need to be, well…heftier. But how could it possibly be that being a nurturer, a team player like us Moms and Dr. J, could be a good quality in a leader?

When Mr. Erving retired from the 76ers in 1987, he didn’t go out with the same pomp and circumstance that Michael Jordan had with “The Last Dance”. There was a 32-page special tribute to Mr. Erving in the newspaper, though. (Mom saved it because we had always loved Mr. Erving.)

Al Bianchi, Mr. Erving’s first pro coach for the Virginia Squires set the record straight in the first article, “One of a kind, in every way” by Bill Lyon.

“I don’t think people realize how tough-minded Doc is, what a fierce competitor he is. He’s warm and gracious, and that kind of covers it up. But I remember he wanted to win every game. He never took a night off, never just showed up and went through the motions.”

Mr. Erving was a bit like Harry Potter. He worked like his life depended on it and loved everyone. Even the people who were trying to kill him. Yeah, Harry’d save them, too. Mr. Erving would have hugged them.

Here’s Mr. Erving hugging Charles Barkley on p. 30 of the tribute when they asked “Where Do the Sixers Go From Here?” The reporter, Jere Longman, wrote, “Barkley is temperamental–his reaction to his slumping teammates this year was to call them ‘wimps.'” (There’s that word again.)

So Mr. Erving handled it with a hug.

Both Dr. J. and MJ have a desire to win. They have different leadership styles to go about it. Michael Jordan badgered and antagonized his teammates. He showed everybody he was the best, but undoubtedly at a cost.

Success for Mr. Erving wasn’t at the cost of what he prized most: his relationships. He showed us that being a nurturer with dignity and class has far more leadership value than winning multiple championships, no matter how many.

So next time you scoff at being a nurturer because you’re not going nearly as fast and as far as those ego drivers speeding down the highway in their fancy cars, remember Dr. J. He’ll be the nurturer who shows you that success doesn’t have to be at all costs.

Don’t put a cost on relationships. Value and treasure the people in your life. Keep what’s dear to your heart intact, put your ego aside, and dare to be great!

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If you missed Episodes I – III, that’s okay, you can go back and catch up on the Air Dare series:

🏀 Episode I overview: MJ or Dr. J? Why You’d Call On The Doctor to be Your Boss

🏀 Episode II: 76ers Legends Storm City Hall with Love and Celebration

🏀 Episode III: Father’s Day Figure Who Inspires You To Great Heights